What is Your Anxiety Saying?

So, I originally started writing this post specifically for mothers about Anxiety. But it morphed into a general audience posting and I am so happy with where it led me. I am going back down to my roots as a licensed therapist and MSW for parts of this one. Anxiety is what started me down this path – I wanted to figure it out, understand it, and help people with it on deep and impactful levels. I actually wrote a book on it (and just have not published it).  It brings me so much joy to share information on it – because it is an emotion that touches everyone at all different ages and stages of life. So here you go…. Let’s get into The Subtle Speaking of Anxiety….

The subtle nudges from our Anxiety…..

Emotions – even tough ones are natural and important to be felt. When we ignore or disconnect from them, we are shutting off a part of ourselves. Shutting down is a survival strategy and prevents us from fully living. And at the end of the day the only things the world and others truly need from us (besides basic needs lol) is for us to feel fully alive, fully ourselves, so that we can share our light, our gifts, and our joy with the rest of the world.

So how can we do that? How can we keep anxiety from overtaking our lives?

I want to introduce everyone to the anxious nudges, the behaviors, and thoughts that show up before anxiety becomes a physically overwhelming and debilitating experience. Because that’s how Anxiety speaks to us.  Now the list below are just the generalized most common behaviors I see in clients and the people around me. But we can dive deeper into this topic by exploring The Anxiety Languages (a framework I created back in 2020 after working with dozens of clients with crippling Anxiety). I will go into more details about these languages in another blog post down the road but for now let’s start with the basics.

First, I want you to reframe what you know about anxiety. It’s framed as this illness and disease that we need to avoid – that it is an enemy. But Anxiety is just another emotion – it is here to tell us something about the world around us (externally & internally). Emotions are just the nervous system of the soul. Similar to how our brains and body receive information about our experiences from the nerves around us and communicate information for us – emotions do the same.

I always tell people when you disconnect from an emotion or wound because its uncomfortable or try to turn off your emotions whether its anxiousness, sadness, or anger, it is more harmful then helpful. Imagine you’re walking and you stub your toe – the shot of pain travels up your body and it is super uncomfortable and even disruptive. But would you cut off your entire toe because that sensation was uncomfortable and painful? No. That would be insane. We express the pain, the discomfort, and readjust our course so we don’t continue running into something. Which means the nerve response was successful in telling us something and having us take action that was helpful for us as a result. Our emotions – our anxiety is just trying to do the same thing. But most times when our anxiety starts speaking in subtle and quick discomforts – we ignore it. Until it finally becomes a physical manifestation and prevents us from continuing down the same path as before.

Anxiety is trying to communicate something with you. It’s trying to gently nudge you towards your path for healing so that you can live fully expressed and safe. But most people don’t recognize the beginning nudges or the subtle ways it tries to speak to us (most of us don’t recognize a problem until it’s a BIG problem and preventing us from operating in our daily life and relationships)

Your Anxiety is here to tell you about your mental and emotional health and when it’s time to adjust your current path. It’s not here as this terrible or unkind thing. The second part I wanted to talk about is the energetic side of Anxiety – which is how I understand Anxiety on this deep level. Energetically Anxiety appears as any other emotion except that it appears like a protective casing around our energetic bodies. It reminds us on all levels of being what still needs to be worked on and keeps us on high alert until the past wound is cleared, expressed, and faced. Even unprocessed wounds from our parents can be passed down to us and express themselves through what we experience and identify as Anxiety. When I go into heal Anxiety on an energetic level there are several things that I do – first clearing the wound through energetic healing, then the processing which occurs when sharing the information – the energetic clearing allows emotions to be felt again and the mind and emotions to reconnect so the past can be processed and let go of. Finally, the action steps that help with the physical integration.

Okay, now that we have gone through the basics – let’s dive into the subtle beginning signs of Anxiety.

The Beginning Signs of Anxiety:

1.       Overscheduling/Busyness

2.       Short Temper/Random Anger

3.       Achiever Mindset

4.       Passionate about Titles/Identities

5.       Forced Gratitude

6.       Judgmental Habits

Now let’s dive a little deeper into each of these behaviors.

1a) Overscheduling and busyness – this one is sneaky because it is observed as a very “productive” behavior to have. But when we start overscheduling – keeping our days booked and usually hyper-focusing to get things done what we are doing unconsciously is avoiding our anxiousness and the root cause of that anxiety. The anxiety we may connect with can easily be blown off as “I am just busy” or “tired” from the overscheduling. But this overscheduling is masking a much deeper wound that overtime can build up until you are physically anxious and burnt-out.

2a) Short Temper/ Random Anger – This happens to us all. But whenever you notice you are getting frustrated more frequently or are experiencing anger that you cannot explain it can mean that anxiety is underneath it and covering up a deeper wound, emotion, or uncomfortable truth that consciously you don’t want to face. When we are disconnected from ourselves or suppressing an emotion/wound it creates a tension that constantly builds and can cause us to be easily triggered by random things around us. Although we think that ignoring or avoiding our emotions makes us more in control – it actually causes our emotional responses to be more out of control because of this buildup and lack of connection with self.

3a) Achiever Mindset – Ah yes my body and mind’s favorite way to express anxiousness. Holding onto goals with a death grip. When thoughts are “Once I do this thing…then I will relax, take care of myself, be happy, rest, etc.”. You know what I mean? We start unconsciously tying our goals to our value and use it to mask the emotional wounds at the core of the Anxiety. This behavior is tied to the “Overachiever” Anxiety Language and usually hides Anxiety rooted in a fear of being unimportant or past experiences of being told you are “too much”/ your dreams are “unrealistic”. You know the vibe. The Overachiever Anxiety Language usually can leave us feeling burnout and lost in our “climb to the top”.

4a) Passionate about Identities/Titles – Okay so this one is similar to the “Achiever” mindset except there’s a big difference you’re not necessarily focusing on the action/doing but actually on the curating a specific identity. Essentially your focused on what others think of you or how they are interpreting your actions and desires. You really care about how you are presenting yourself, how things look, and are holding onto those identities with a tight grip (I’ve been there). This behavior usually is hiding Anxiety rooted in instability and fear of abandonment. It’s tied to the “Pleaser” Anxiety Language and has a huge impact on feeling lonely and misunderstood by the people around you.

5a) Forced Gratitude – I know what you’re thinking “gratitude is important and great!” Yes – absolutely! BUT when you try to use gratitude to invalidate your own emotions and experiences it’s actually quite counterproductive. This can look like “Everything is fine”, or “I shouldn’t be upset – there are people going through worse”. The type of gratitude that leaves you feeling angry and not loved by the universe or God. It’s a behavior we use to disconnect from uncomfy emotions like a

Anxiety and its root causes. This behavior is linked with the “Martyr” Anxiety Language. Which has a core fear related to not being “good” or fearing being seen as a “bad” person/mother/etc. Being underserving of love. And it creates feelings of resentment, self-loathing, and disconnect from our loved ones.

6a) Judgmental Habits – We’ve all been there. We are judging or creating a narrative about other people their choices and circumstances. Maybe we are talking about someone else with our friends or family. Or maybe we are analyzing them in our heads and rolling our eyes about what we believe them to be at first glance. Either way this behavior patterns tells us about the Anxiety, and it core wounds we are ignoring in ourselves. And how we feel about similar things in our own lives. When you find yourself frequently judging others it is a scope into your own wounds and Anxiety. This behavior is related to the Controller and Please Anxiety Languages. Which have core fears of instability, abandonment, and lack of survival (emotionally or physically).

Okay – I know that was a lot of information. How are you feeling? Now if you exhibit multiple of these behaviors – that is “aye okay!” It will just take some deep diving to uncover what is being asked to work on first. The key is to be willing to face the uncomfy feelings under the surface – to embrace your anxiety as it tries to direct you towards the best healing path. If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out. Additionally, if you do struggle with anxiety or any mental health obstacles I highly recommend connecting to a person/professional that can assist you with this work. But if you do decide to DIY it remember it can take time to process on your own.

Until next time fishes. Stay Messy!

Annamarie Green