Unlocking the Power of Anger: Why You Need an Anger Release Practice
When you look up anger on google the definition is: a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. A simple definition for a very powerful and important sensation with a complicated history for many people.
I was so excited to write this blog. This is such an important topic and it has been on the top of my mind for a couple weeks - mostly because it keeps coming up for clients, friends, myself, and my biggest teacher - my 5 yr. old daughter. It is a word that is used more and more often as society starts to move towards more “emotional openness”. We are encouraged to verbally identify and speak on our anger - but in a detached sort of way. Like tell us how you feel but don’t feel the way you feel. Even I struggle with this concept as a parent - when I am in the middle of trying to problem solve and my daughter is having a meltdown because she’s overly tired, doesn’t want the dessert I’ve offered and is upset that I said “no” to her watching an additional show. She is usually cry-screaming, after having a very sassy adolescent like negotiation with me about her proposed bedtime. I find myself asking her - “please. Could we just stop with the whining and crying” and she will shoot back “This is how I feel. You made me upset. I can’t help it”.
And she’s right. We talk about how our house and our family is a safe space for emotions - but in order for a place to be an emotional safe ground it has to be able to contain the embodiment of the emotion. Which so many of us forget.
Anger is one of those super special emotions. We will claim the emotion in a detached - trying not to “hurt anyone’s feelings” kind of way. But we very rarely let ourselves feel it - especially as women. In my profession I see mostly two types of people - ones that avoid anger and ones that anger is their safe space or survival strategy. Most of the time women fall into the avoiding anger category because for generations society hasn’t allowed us to safely experience anger. While on the other side of the spectrum men have been taught that anger is the only safe or acceptable emotion to feel. Both extremes are problematic for the body, brain, and just overall well being of each person.
When someone struggles with anger - mentally it creates distortions and negative internal monologues that influence how they view and interact with the world around them. It can creates overwhelming fight or flight response to everyday situations that we might “logically” understand is not a threat but our body reacts anyway. It influences what we think is possible for us and we emotional connect with others - usually holding us back from receiving and giving love. It also the most common root problem of depression, and has been linked to physical health challenges like high blood pressure, heart attack, cavities, and negatively impacts memory and learning.
THAT’S A LOT! I know. And if you have struggled with anger since you were child - can you start to see some of the challenges in your life linked back to this super passionate and powerful emotion that we usually sweep under the rug? I was one of those people - I avoided anger until I felt close to breaking. Then at one point I did break and I lived out of a place of anger. Everything I did was dripped in an enraged energetic cloak. My dreams were my dreams because of anger. My work ethic, my generosity, my plans all were there because of anger. Thankfully that is not the case anymore. But I’ve learned so much about this complex emotion from my own development, work with my clients, and my daughter.
Rage is SO sacred. It’s villainized in many spaces - told to just let go and take the “higher path”. But Rage is a primal emotion that has helped humans survive and helps us accomplish a lot. It’s a protective emotion - it lets us know when needs aren’t being met and boundaries have been crossed. But even more importantly anger or rage is a sign of our development of our independence and aliveness. Energetically it reminds me of the element of fire.
It’s life force - preserving and sustaining life. Creating its own path and burning away the old. When I see rage embodied energetically there is a certain buzzing in the cells and light of the spirit. The expression of anger helps us burn away old traumas and wounds - so we can rise from the past. Anger is your soul standing firmly in your body and saying “I am here. I matter. I deserve to LIVE! I am here and I want to be here! I love myself!” It is whispering beautiful adorations through the sensations it creates in your body. The reason this emotion is so important and sacred is because of its power - and I don’t mean its association with aggression. I mean the ability it has to connect us - move us - rebuild us. Anger drives movement and when we make space for it in our homes, communities, relationships, and selves we improve our health outcomes internally and externally. Energetically when we make space for our anger and for the people around us to experience their anger we are making room for life. When we let anger exist without forcing it to have to try and take or attack something else we are letting light, love and life surround us. Anger cleanses just like fire.
Stop thinking of anger as a separate thing from you or something that is a problem. When anger is allowed to move through our body, be expressed, and then released it improves our creativity, our connection to others, and ability to stay focused and present. But when we ignore our anger or force all of our emotions to be expressed through anger - it becomes uncontrollable and all consuming. And in many circumstances it turns into depression.
No matter who you are or how old you are it is CRUCIAL to have a rage release practice. Because emotional and mental health have only become important in the last couple decades - many of us still don’t know how to experience or make space for rage without it meaning lashing out at others or burying it inside.
A rage ritual can be done independently or with others (it is especially GREAT to do with kids - I do a rage release ritual with my daughter ALL THE TIME). Here’s what a rage release ritual is and why it’s important.
Okay first a rage release ritual is a process for you to make space for the anger you are feeling - let it exist in your physical body and then let it be expressed/released through a physical action that does NOT hurt and does NOT NEED anyone else. Despite what you may think - you don’t need to share your anger with anyone and its expression doesn’t rely on the likelihood of someone else acting, thinking, or “feeling” the way you want them to. No, there is a way to let go of the physical sensations so they aren’t held up in your body creating a slew of physical and mental health challenges.
And when you create and complete this practice it helps to stop seeing another person or thing as a standing threat. It will help decrease the amount that triggers you or causes you to react. And it creates space for deeper connection. Anger is this beautiful passionate emotion that when we learn how to experience it and embrace it can enhance every area of our life.
Decide on a physical act. My FAVORITE is a plastic wiffle bat hitting my mattress and comforter while speaking out loud why I am angry or letting out a primal scream.
Note: This is also what I use with my daughter - when doing it with her we will take turns speaking out why we are angry and what it feels likeCall forward the feeling in your body and mind before doing the ritual action.
Focus on the emotion - This is important only focus on the feeling of emotion and if specific memories come up let them.
Note: This doesn’t mean to picture harming something or someone. It’s like when you are walking and are day dreaming or thinking about something that happened - you aren’t picturing you walking in the memory it's an act you are doing (believe it or not this is also a physical expression of an emotion)
SPEAK. Talk, yell, or let out a scream regarding what you are upset about or whatever feels right to you while doing this.
Notice when it feels different. When you start to feel more calm and start to slow the emotion has been expressed. Start to take deep and slow breaths
Give yourself (or if you are doing this with someone give them) a hug. As you breath deeply and say “thank you. I see you”
If you need clarity on how to solve a problem that triggered the anger this is the time to sit down and journal about the clarity you are feeling right now. What are your needs, boundaries, etc. What is the change that is needed internally or externally?
So today before you go to bed decide on a rage ritual for yourself. And let me know what yours is. I love when clients share their rage ritual on social media or send it via DM. This may feel weird to do at first but you will see A HUGE positive shift in your everyday life. You’ll feel more focused, peaceful, connected, present, patient. The way you dream will even be different. That is how special and SACRED anger is. It impacts and touches everything.
Have a great week! See you next time fishes! Stay Messy!
